To The Boy Whose Smile I’ll Always Miss

We met in high school, and I swear from the first moment we locked eyes, I thought you did not like me. I remember having a brief crush on you when we were freshmen—I remember only liking you because you reminded me of Zac Efron. I now realize how it was all just puppy love. We became close in junior year. We were in the same English class for 6 months, and I swear, those 6 months were some of the best times I’ve ever had in high school.

You were a great friend. You were a light to everybody’s path. Your smile could honestly light up the whole entire world. Your spirit was the most precious entity anyone could ever stumble upon. But I could always tell you didn’t feel that sometimes. I could tell you had your days when you wanted to ignore the world and let your soul be in peace. I could tell when you didn’t feel good enough; I could see the insecurity. But it was those exact vices you had that made you even more of a light to be around. It was those demons you had that made your spirit as pure and whole as ever, and it was your faults that were inspiring.

Your vices made you wise, because as bad as they were, you always knew what to say to anyone who sought advice. Your demons made you good, because as painful as they were to face, the way you could fill your whole heart into an entire room always gained the awe out of me. Lastly, your faults made you a good man, because as flawed as you were, you always knew how to carry them with immense strength.

It’s almost been a month since your passing, and it still feels like you’re going to post your next modeling gig on Instagram tomorrow. I truly do miss you. I miss your smile, your warmth, your open arms, your mind, and mostly your spirit. You always knew how to make me feel like I was destined for more. You’ve made people believe in themselves, even when they thought it was impossible. You’ve touched too many lives to count, as there are still countless condolences to your family on Facebook. And I just truly wanted to say thank you for coming into my life, as you were the brightest source of light I have ever known.