To The Husband I Hardly Talk To Anymore


What has happened to our conversations?

I remember when we were dating, the days were not complete without hearing from one another. Whether it was a single-emoji message in the middle of a busy day, or a four-hour phone call that lasted until the wee hours of the morning and ended with one of us falling asleep on the phone, we always found topics we couldn’t wait to share with each other.

What has happened to those days?

Today our texts are mundane: “Please buy eggs on your way home,” “The pipe is busted, call plumber,” “Don’t forget to take out trash before you leave for work.” The days are not complete without these daily reminders, but they are devoid of the romance of the single-emoji texts we used to send.

Today our conversations at home are limited. We have been swallowed alive by technology as our conversations have been replaced with “Watch this stupid YouTube prank with me,” and “Check out this meme, hahaha.” It can take us hours of surfing the net together without ever saying a word to one another.

But what would I want to say, anyway?

I could ask about work, but you and I have made a vow that our home shall be a sanctuary, a refuge from the stress of the outside world. So I let you leave the stress behind at the office and don’t ask about your work.

We could talk about the weekend, but the years with you have taught me better than to plan so far ahead. So I daydream of possible plans and just let myself be surprised by what will actually happen when those days roll around.

Sometimes the most important questions to ask are the ones that never see the light of day.

“How is your heart?”

“How are you?”

“How are we?”

Not because they are scary to ask, but because of the gravity that comes with these questions. So I look at you sometimes, willing those words to come out of my mouth, only for them to retreat into the recesses of my heart.

You catch me looking at you and you smile. A real smile with light in your eyes, like you are seeing me for the first time in a long time. You reach out and take my hand, and I know.

Your heart is fine.

You are happy.

We are all right.

It seems our love has transcended the need for conversation, and there are no words to be said after all.