To The Next Boy That Tries To Love Me

I should say sorry ahead of time, so this is me saying sorry now.

i. If you decide you want a part of my life you must know that I might cry from time to time. I might cry when I forget to meet you for dinner, I might cry when I don’t iron your cargo shorts perfectly, I might cry when I can’t make you a good batch of Mexican rice, I might cry when I don’t have any clean towels for your shower, I might cry when I spill rocky road ice-cream all over your passenger seat, and I might cry when I make you late. I know that none of this will be your fault, but I might cry anyway because sometimes I am going to forget that you love me. It is taking me some time to learn not to be afraid, to learn not to be so weak; it is taking me some time to learn that you might love me back. So this is me saying sorry for those times that I forget.

ii. You must know that a lot of my life has been dark and there are only a handful of moments I can remember it being sunny in California. I know that you won’t understand how I never saw the sun when I lived in the golden state my entire life, but there sometimes is no explanation to madness. I don’t expect you to understand it (I hope you never have to), but I do know that I see the sun in your eyes and warmth in your smile. I know that you make most days brighter without meaning to. So this is me saying sorry for not telling you every day.

iii. You’re going to ask questions, but sometimes you’re going to ask “What’s wrong?” and my answer will sound like a tape recorder. Sometimes I won’t know how to respond because quite frankly, nothing is wrong…yet somehow everything is wrong. I’ll sometimes find something small to blame and sometimes I’ll blame something bigger, like the world. Although everything may seem wrong, everything will somehow still be okay. So when I can’t figure out what’s wrong, I might just be missing the sun again. So this is me saying sorry for the days my sun has set.