What Your Bar Tab Says About You

What you consume at your favorite bar reveals your true colors more than you probably realized. Order wisely, my friends, here’s what your bar tab says about you:

The Penny-Pinching Hipster

– Pint [insert local craft beer] x 2
– PBR x 3

You’re all about supporting local, man. Doing so is only right considering the flannel-clad, bearded, tattooed look you’re rocking at the moment. But after a couple of pints at $4 a pop, you can no longer afford to be local. So you default to the next most hipster beverage, PBR, of course. You smash a few cans with your arsty-cool indie clan, roll up your jean cuffs, and roll out on your fixed gear. Peace.

The EDM Fairy

– Red Bull and Vodka x 3
– Water x 2
– Tequila Shot

You’re ready to rage and lord help anyone who gets in your way tonight. You just wanna dance, you don’t care who knows it, and you’ve consumed at least 48 oz. of Red Bull in a very short amount of time. Needless to say, you’re rockin’’ some crazy eyes to go along with those crazy moves. Tomorrow is gonna suck for you, obviously (especially after that last tequila shot that sent you straight over the edge) but that’s the least of your worries right now. #YOLO.

The 9 to 5 Sneaky Drunk

– Red Wine
– Gin & Tonic
– Old Fashioned
– Fireball Shot

Your night started off classy enough, it always does. But then somewhere in between “not really drinking/only having one glass of wine/going to bed early” you got peer-pressured into staying out and drinking. Who gives a shit that you’re still wearing your pencil skirt and blazer from work today, turn down for what, right? By the end of the night, you’ll be making out with a rando and walking home carrying those expensive corporate stilettos.

The Belligerent Frat Star

– Pitcher of Bud Light
– 2 Jack & Cokes
– Pitcher of Bud Light
– 6 Jager Bombs
– 1 Bud Light (Bottle)

You started your night like any good frat boy would, with pitchers of watered down beer that was on special. Gradually (but pretty quickly in the whole scheme of things) you progressed to liquor, but always kept a beer chase nearby so that you never did not have a drink in your hands. Soon enough, you bought a round of nasty shots for your bros, and soon after that, you were cut off. Congratulations, see you tomorrow.

The Girls Night Out

– Vodka Cranberry x 4
– Red Headed Slut
– Pineapple Upside Down Cake Shooter

What’s that sound? It’s the sound of high-pitched shrieks, giggles, and “woos!” from blocks away. Do you care that you’re annoying the heck out of everyone you encounter? Hell no. It’s ladies’ night and you and your girlies are out on the town. Tonight, it’s your job to drink some sugary cocktails and ignore the calories. You’ll just work it off at barre class tomorrow, duh. And at the end of the night, when tab actually comes your way, you act pleasantly surprised to find out that “it’s been taken care of.” Aww, you shouldn’t have [winky face].