When You Want What Isn’t Good For You

I know it isn’t good for me, but that doesn’t make me want it any less.

The thing that is good for me won’t keep me on my toes; it will keep me grounded. It won’t lift me up to bring me down; it will make me level, but I don’t want to be level.

The thing that is good for me won’t keep me wanting more; it will leave me satisfied with the amount that is simply enough, but I don’t want ‘simply’ anything. I don’t want simple.

The thing that is good for me won’t keep me up at night wondering if it is too good to be true; it will give me the confidence to know that it’s not, but I don’t need confidence.

The thing that is good for me won’t be unpredictable; it will be safe. It will save me from questions with unknown answers, but I like to wonder. I like to question.

The thing that is good for me won’t be thrilling; it will bore me, and I don’t want to be bored. It won’t throw me for a free fall; it will make sure that I’m not close enough to step off of the edge, but I like the feel of falling.

Sometimes we want what we know isn’t good for us. Call it crazy, sad, or plain self-sabotage, but I like to think of it as living.