Why I Prefer Shy, Geeky Guys


“Geeky” is probably an unfair term, but “smart” is a bit too vague. Maybe he’s an engineer, initially just a friend; he’s quiet at first and doesn’t let on about how much goes on inside his head. But then you ask him for help on your physics homework and are amazed by the things coming out of his mouth. He’s your lifesaver. For the first time, you notice how touchable his curly hair looks and how his eyes radiate warmth behind his glasses. His smiles are kind of cute and undoubtedly genuine. You start finding his occasional jokes extremely funny, feeling flutters in your stomach when he compliments you, and going to him more frequently to share the things going on in your life. Of course, you become interested in his life, his childhood, and his family. He’s an amazing listener. And he makes you feel secure, a feeling that you’ve always yearned for but never had the courage to pinpoint as something that you’re actually experiencing. But now, finally, it’s here.

You realize that you’re falling for him in a way that you’ve never fallen for another guy—those flirty, gregarious, glaringly attractive guys you had previously dated. When he tells you that he loves you, for the first time you wholeheartedly believe it because he chooses his words wisely. He means everything that he says, so you feel safe and you return those three words.

Now that you’ve gotten to know him better, you discover that he’s an amazing, passionate human being. He’s compassionate not only toward people, but also toward animals. (He shares your love for cats, which is a huge plus, mostly because he has two cats himself.) He’s so passionate that he’s a vegetarian, and you see him spending hours online searching for belts and shoes made with non-animal products. (Trust me, those are rare.) When you’re stuck in bed cramping miserably on the first day of your period, he surprises you by bringing homemade chicken soup. You ask him why he cooked you meat, and he tells you that he knows it’s your favorite. You cry (partly due to pain), wondering what you did to find and deserve such a gentle, sweet man. You know in your heart that he will truly cherish you, and he does.

And the sex is amazing. He considers your pleasure before even beginning to consider his own; this makes you want to please him even more. Together, you learn and grow. Sometimes, you disagree on things, but even when you’re arguing it doesn’t ever get too serious—mainly because his sheer intelligence usually overwhelms you.

Eventually, circumstances cause your relationship to come to an end. But you will always love his curly hair, cute smiles, and vegetarian shoes. More importantly, you will never forget him because you have never learned more from one single human being than from this incredible man that you’d loved for so long. You’ve learned that compassion is one of the most important gifts one can give to other people, not receive from them. You’ve learned to appreciate those quiet thoughtful guys out there, to look for those special qualities in future lovers. And perhaps most importantly, you’ve learned for the first time, to love someone else more than you love yourself and how good it feels to finally let go.