Why You Have To Find Yourself First Before Finding Love


I have only been in a few relationships. All of which lasted years. And the pain I felt each time it would end seemed worse than the previous and I thought I wouldn’t be capable of loving again. It seemed impossible, especially if you got your heart-broken to millions of pieces and you were left picking up the broken pieces alone. And then there was ME.

Yes. Me. In the process of picking up the pieces, I found myself.

I went out of my shell and explored the world. I learned to enjoy life and love myself in the process of picking up the shattered pieces. Though I know it is never going to be as good as a brand new heart, I know that I did a good job putting it back together.

Slowly, I became whole and I realized that I wasn’t at all whole when I was in my previous relationships (except the last). I became a better version of me. I felt brand new.

You see, when we are not whole, when there are pieces lacking in our life and in our heart, we cannot fully love. We can only love fully when we have learned to love ourselves and learned to be happy on our own, without the need to make our happiness the responsibility of our partners.

It is only when love is overflowing in us can we truly share that love. The kind of love that is unconditional. The kind that does not seek its own. The kind that can fill others.

When I was finally whole and happy, I realized that I am still capable of loving. That I can still see the beauty of life and of people and that I am capable of giving love that is unconditional. A love that does not need to be reciprocated because I am happy enough to share the love I have in me.

The kind of love when you are already contented seeing the one you love happy, knowing that you are able to show them how you feel without expecting them to love you back or acknowledge. I have learned that when love is real, it does not seek its own. Instead, it thinks of the other person, where their happiness is your own happiness.

Because when we are not whole, we tend to look for the missing part from our partners, causing us to expect, which eventually leads to disappointment and unhappiness.

The best kind of love is the one when we are able to share the overflowing love and happiness we have in our heart. It does not seek its own happiness. And now that I am whole, I know that I was able to save the best version of myself for the one I am destined to be with.