Why You Should Pick The Dumb Girl Over The Smart One
By Kimberly Yu
1. There are absolutely no standards.
No one has standards for the dumb one. No one expects anything from her. No one thinks she can do anything correctly, so when she does, everyone is impressed.
2. There’s no competition.
Because of the label, she never gets compared to anything. She has her own bubble and no one ever competes with her because they think she’s so stupid, it’s basically not even a competition.
3. She has an impressive amount of confidence.
“What, you think you’re better than me?!”
“What, you think YOU’RE better than me?!”
So much confidence. And in all the Seventeen magazines I’ve read about traits that men find hot, it’s always the confidence!
4. She still has her childlike wonder and innocence.
Obviously, regardless whether she’s done anything in her life, people still see her as naive, which, in this miserable and bleak world of selfishness and competition, isn’t really a bad thing. You could show her things and expect that she’ll be in awe every time.
5. She still thinks she can reach her dreams.
She still thinks she can be an astronaut and go to space (even though she majored in English and is almost 22). She still believes in ghosts, fairies, and MAYBE still Santa Claus, and every day she’s living a daydream. And she has no sense of reality, but at the same time, she has concrete goals—such as becoming a doctor in the future.
6. People automatically think she doesn’t “get it” and can’t put things together.
Hey, she’s probably been a witness to so many things and heard so much gossip and gotten so much evidence just by being dumb. All she had to do was stand there and people will continue to talk in their loud voices and think that she can’t put two and two together. Heck, I’m sure she’s probably caught her best friend’s (now ex) boyfriend talking about how he was cheating on her best friend just by standing on the side drinking orange cream soda for all I know. That’s something you can’t teach in school.
7. She gets to take classes several times.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she took Algebra 1 three times in a row. She probably is a master at solving variable equations now. And even though she takes classes more than once, she’s probably still graduating from college in June with the class she came in with!
8. She’s humble.
She doesn’t brag, she just does her thing, and has lots of chill. Slow and steady wins the race! Seriously, she’s probably never angry and when she is, she could probably keep her chill and have that very mature conversation about taking out the trash with you without yelling.
9. People think she doesn’t care—or even worse, is too stupid to care.
In reality, she’s secretly sitting in her house getting ahead of the game. Maybe she’s studying for that test everyone thinks she is going to fail, maybe acing that job interview no one knew she applied for (and got an interview for), or maybe she’s hooking up with that hot guy no one thought she could get because she’s too stupid.
10. She still thinks those great emotions like love and happiness and wonder exist.
Ha, she probably still thinks normal people wait till they are 21 to drink, couples wait until they are married to have sex, and no one does drugs. She also probably still believes that she will marry her best friend, and when she says I love you, everyone will say it back to her and mean it.
11. You will be the smart one.
Isn’t that great? You will be the smart one. You will actually know this time around that when you get into an argument, you will be right. You will be in control. It would be like you’re the hero and she’s your sidekick. Isn’t that the reality everyone wants to live?