You Are Not Defined By The People Who Leave You


It is a rare and beautiful gift to love deeply. But for those of us who do so, the pain of losing someone we love can be just as deep.

Losing a relationship or a friendship can feel like letting go of a part of yourself. As though the truths, secrets, kisses, and laughter that lived between the two of you lost its home. As though the memories and promises you made dissipated into thin air.

If someone has walked away from you, this violent suction of loss can feel even more acute. It may push you to focus on all the empty spaces that are now right before you. You may start defining yourself by everything they took from you and everything they said you didn’t have.

But remember, you are not defined by loss or a lack. Your legacy is what you give, how you love, and those who stay.

You are not defined by those who couldn’t find the value in your company. The joy of your company is defined by those who could find it. By those who can see your brand of humor, your type of weird, and the beauty of your creativity. By those who need your shade of light and your pace of life to sink into.

You are not defined by those who didn’t know how to love you right. You are constantly being recreated from the love given to you by those who choose you. You are being made of the times they show up at your home, ready to listen to you through the night. Of the times they pull you to go dancing when you want to cry the weekend away. Of the messages they send you on lonely weekends and the calls they make on Tuesday afternoons. You are made of a love that is a verb, always in action, looking for new ways to find you, hold you, and make memories with you.

You are not defined by those who said you were too much or too little. Your worth is felt by those for whom you are just enough. For whom your words are strong enough to lift them up, your presence is warm enough to comfort them, and your touch is soft enough to cushion them.

People only understand something to be effort, energy, talent, and beauty if they have been there, been made aware of its importance, or have consciously wanted it. But we often show and give parts of ourselves to those who do not have the ability to see those parts or receive from its abundance. Sometimes, we give to people who take without ever thanking us.

Someone’s inability to see your worth does not mean that it doesn’t exist. Their inability to see what you gave them does not mean that what you shared had no value or impact. Do not let their narrow vision and lack of empathy become blinders upon your expansive soul.

Return to your own beating heart and listen carefully. You are the love you feel and receive. You are here for the life you inhabit and the people who share it with you. You are not created to be adored by the whole world but to be seen, embraced, and loved fiercely by a few. 

Allow yourself this gift—you deserve it.