You Only Liked The Idea Of Me And Not Who I Really Am

I never knew I would be this sad after you ghosted me. You see when I met you, I already told myself that you’re just similar to those guys who only liked my virtual self and not the real me.

Unfortunately, history repeats itself and I still fell on your trap.

Having fun conversations with you made me think that you’re somewhat different. I felt that the distance between us was just millimeters apart. Your silliness and my craziness blended like peanut butter and jelly. We both know how to compliment each other in a funny and different way.

You made me forget that I was guarding my heart from someone like you.

I don’t know if we’re friends or more than friends. All I know is, you make me feel special and that thought blinded me from the ugly truth–you and I don’t feel the same way.

I liked you despite the fact that you’re not good at holding conversations. Your sense of humor makes me want to talk with you more even though you’re not consistent enough to talk to me. I even told you how I hate inconsistencies for you to change so that our relationship will go smoothly as it should be. I liked you, that’s why I’ve been secretly waiting for you to message me.

I liked you to the point where I am ready to take that chance with you.

But then again, you’re just like them. You put a little effort for me to believe that you’re interested in me. Telling me how beautiful I was in that photo and wanting to see me in person (but you never did anything to make it happen); those were some of your moves to make me feel special. Giving me all of those magical mixed signals created from your half-hearted emotions made me believe you also liked me.

But your feelings is like a magic show–full of excitement and entertainment, everything was just an illusion.

Those efforts you’ve exerted were nothing but phony, overrated lies. Maybe you’re just talking to me when you feel like it. You never even asked me about myself or what kind of guy am I into. Those little things made me realized to stop. Stop waiting for your message, waiting for you to man up and get your shit together. I am so done waiting for someone who only have lukewarm feelings for me.

I figured out that no matter how many times someone liked or reacted to your photos, posts and status it doesn’t validate a person’s feelings.

I learned that I don’t deserve this. I deserve someone who is willing to put an effort the same way I am putting my heart on my sleeve. I deserve someone who is man enough to tell me how he really feels rather than making me spell out everything for him.

I am somehow thankful that you ghosted me, I learned how important self-worth is. I thank God for giving me the courage to let go and keep moving forward. I finally realized what I really need and deserve: I need to love myself first and I deserve someone who will love how a beautiful mess I really am.