You Said You Didn’t Want To Hurt Me, But That’s Exactly What You Did

You ended it over a text message. I was so confused. I couldn’t even finish my lunch that afternoon because I was so nauseous with the shock of what you were texting me. I couldn’t breathe. We had just spent the last weekend together in which you planned for us. I thought we were on the same page.

You said, “I want something real (relationship wise) and now that I’ve come across someone who was legitimate relationship material I flip flop if I really want that or not.”

I believed you.

I believed you may have not been ready.

Going into our first date, I thought you were cuter in your pictures then you were in person, but you were nice and different for me. After a couple of drinks, a few hours of conversation, dinner and heading to an impromptu movie I really started to like you. I could tell you felt the same way. You told me you didn’t expect to have such an amazing evening and all the nice things you said after that night made me feel alive.

I couldn’t wait to see you again.

Our next date, three days later was another amazing night. We planned a weekend trip together that upcoming weekend. I was nervous, but so excited. During our second date, I remember we both had a little too much to drink. I remember I touched your hand at the bar and I knew you couldn’t wait to get your hands on me. We made out in your truck. I never wanted that night to end. There was such a strong connection between us. I knew we both felt it. I told you that night I see me loving you in the future…My heart might have already been there the afternoon you ended it.

You said, “One week I’ll be all in, and another week I just think I’m not ready for something real. I feel like it’s not fair to you to be subject to my unstable relationship aspirations. I wish I wasn’t this way, but unfortunately I am.”

I believed you.

I believed you may have not been ready.

It makes me really angry that you ended it and now I’m figuring out that it was because you found someone else. What is the truth? I was so kind and loyal to you and you knew that.

Her profile picture will forever be a stab to the heart. You both look so happy as I’m here confused and cannot get through a day without crying and analyzing what I did wrong. It has only been less than six weeks since you texted me that it was over. So when did it start with her? Why were you looking for more while we were together?

I’m left sitting here broken hearted, comparing my worth to her. Why I wasn’t good enough for you. I look at that picture she chose for the world to see and die every time. I am left so saddened that I can barely eat and barely put on a smile for the world. You’re fine. You had someone else lined up. You’re happy.

You said, “I don’t want to hurt you, and that’s what will happen if we continue on this path. I know I’m a dick, and I’m sorry for that. Just know that it is no fault of yours, and you’ve done nothing to make me feel this way.”

Too late. You did hurt me. It’s a hurt I am still struggling to get over and one that I hope doesn’t ruin me for the future.