Haikus For The Republican National Convention
Listen. I am white.
From a white family. But
this is WHITE, y’know?
Listen. I am white.
From a white family. But
this is WHITE, y’know?
You know Lance Armstrong. From the TV. From his books. From his magazine covers. From his cancer. From his infidelity. From his bracelets that were such a fad for about six weeks there a few years back.
A deferred tax asset is a tax asset who didn’t get into its first choice of tax asset college in the early decision round, got deferred, and now has to apply regular decision.
Awkward is not laughing too loud when Chet the Investment Banker makes a joke. Awkward is real, and it is dark, and it is not something we joke about.
When you don’t eat, you feel hangry. (Hanger = anger spawned by hunger.) Hanger is a horrible emotion. It comes from deep down in you, a bubbling cauldron of stress and caloric deficiency leading to a meltdown of child-actor proportions.
I gotta say, you’re a little late to the game here. Most online commenting stars are well on their way to greatness by the time they hit puberty, you know?
I lived there for six of my 26 years, which locals will be quick to tell you is 20 years too few to have a real, valid opinion on the matter.
Recently, scientists made history by taking a 26-year-old writer and, through an experimental procedure, put his entire being through an Instagram filter. These interviews were conducted before and after the procedure.
Hey Mom, Dad. Listen.
It is not about money.
Well, maybe it is.
I trust you’ve already collaborated with Vikram, our Managing Editor of Articles about Being Young and Living in New York City, and Harriet, our Managing Editor of Lists and Other Short Things That People Like Reading on the Internet?