Summertime babes, you are making me and my bizarre neck sweat look bad. I thought we were all in this together. I thought it was understood that we’d all look like crap during the summer so why did you have to change the game on me?
I’m sitting at home reading the live-tweets of an acquaintance’s night out. They were eating sushi but now they’re headed to a bar named Black & White with three of their friends. Now, they’re trying to meet up with their other friend to go to some diner. Gee, it’s like I’m right there with them instead of in bed wearing a nightgown.
When you’ve never dealt with death before, you’re not actively seeking out the truths about grief, not trying to retain the stories of other people’s experiences. All of this changes, however, when you have had someone close to you die (or in my case, almost die).
Alcohol is the devil. It swallows people up completely. I’ve seen my drunk friends completely lose their personality and become transformed during a night of heavy drinking. If they happen to blackout, it’s like they don’t live in their own bodies anymore. Someone else has invaded and this someone is a scary life-ruining trainwreck.
Be a stoner and describe your style as being Hippie Fabulous. Girls will wear long flowy skirts, a generic tank top and have dreads. They won’t shave their armpits and they’ll wear Tom’s deodorant (OMG, the mercury!), which means that they will smell bad all the time.
The sensitive angry lesbian punk can usually be found in schools like Hampshire, Evergreen, UC Santa Cruz, and Sarah Lawrence. They’ll usually have their hair dyed some outrageous color (So you cannot ignore their presence. They refuse to be marginalized, remember?!) and will wear Slits shirts, ripped fishnets, and finish it off with a bad attitude!
Attempt to walk down the stairs. Every step you take sounds like a loud clap of thunder though and you have to sit down every five minutes. In that moment, you and your friend look like stoned senior citizen zombies.
Your mind is just cluttered with this knowledge of what to do when you get sick, laid off or die. You’re preparing for that awful moment that could change your life forever. March to it, back away, approach with the receipts. “I have receipts for this heart attack. I have cards. So many cards.”
Twitter is a social networking tool that attracts a diverse array of users. Everyone from comedian Sarah Silverman to Betty Sue from Cupcake, Illinois uses the website to share their daily thoughts, which can range from intelligent quips to TMI boredom. Let’s find out what camp you fall under.
Excuse me, but haven’t you heard of funemployment? Our generation can’t get jobs. It’s like a rule. After you graduate, you’re obligated to do nothing except complain about doing nothing. Gosh, it’s so hard. We’re just victims of horrible timing. I guess you’ll have to spend another day inside watching Reality Bites and totally relating. I mean, you could check Craigslist, but it’s so demoralizing.