Why We Need Leonard Maltin

Our parents are our earliest moral arbiters, and more than anyone else, they define for us what is right and wrong. This fact occurred to me while perusing the just-released Leonard Maltin’s Movie Guide 2012, the umpteenth volume of Leonard’s annual reference book. Just as some small part of me will always believe my parents are infallible, so too will I always believe the Maltin guide represents absolute truth.

An Interview with God

Sure, I was a fan of His work: He did a fine job creating the universe, and His idea to invent light was particularly inspired. But the responsibility of interviewing someone as distinguished and revered as the Almighty was a daunting one. How could I possibly do justice to a figure as mysterious and elusive as this living legend?

I'm Getting Coffee With My Ex This Afternoon. No Big Deal.

Ah, here she is. Hey! Nice to see you! You look great, that’s a nice summer dress, where did you get it? Wow, don’t look at the cleavage, damn, just looked at the cleavage, don’t do it again, no, I haven’t been waiting long, just about five minutes. Do you want to sit here, or on the patio? Sure, I’m good with the patio. Here, let’s sit here, under the shade.

Why The Children Of America Need Mad Magazine

But it’s not too late: we need a magazine that will tell us that celebrities are stupid, Hollywood movies are terrible, and that even their own writing staff is a “usual gang of idiots.” A magazine that will teach us that a “Stupid Question” like “Are you smoking?” should be met with a “Snappy Answer” like, “No, I’m practicing for my role as a volcano in our school play.”