eHarmony Minority Report

Senior Dating — David and April look great for their age. That is because they live in Monterey California, drink organic veggie smoothies, and do yoga all day. David is a retired neuroscientist, and April feels special for 30 days once a year sometime in the spring. This is not senior dating. This is just real dating when you’re not some emo tween coping with your first period or boner. Senior dating—in which adult diapers are not a fetish but merely logistical—would be a 72-year-old man with a lubed up arthritic arm entering the vast cavern of his senile partner, who mistakes his limb for constipation. Stool softener is so hot.