eHarmony Minority Report

Jewish Dating – Sarah Steinwergberg is applying for the Guggenheim, either their fellowship or, if things don’t work out, the coat check position at the museum. Ask her why she isn’t replying to the various earnest, docile, and trying-to-be-interesting messages she’s received from nice Jewish guys. This misandrist self-hating Jew also hates laptops apparently, preferring the good ol’ circumcised pencil and Torah scroll. “Why won’t you pork me?” Saul Sorriwitz carefully writes, after a week reticence. “Kosher a fucking dork,” she types. Good one, Sarah. Time to sharpen that pencil.